They call me the D.I.C destroyer
Your d.i.c is your deepest inner critic
Your Deepest Inner Critic (D.I.C) is that nagging and negative voice in your head that is without a doubt holding you back. It is trying to keep you safe by getting you to stay small. The worst way it shows up is how it tells you that things didn’t work out for you. Your dreams and desires haven’t come true (yet) so that must mean you’re not good enough. I know this all too well… I thought I would have my Oscar by now. I have fought tooth and nail over the years to stay committed to my huge dream (I still am). But more than that, I have mastered quieting my D.I.C and turning that self-doubt into self-belief.
I was right where you are
and i’m here to tell you, it gets easier
Ever since I can remember I had wanted to be an actress. At 10 years old I was diagnosed with ADHD and put on Ritalin. This lasted 2 weeks because the Ritalin made me nuts. I was an extremely high-energy child and the whole world seemed against me. The only teachers that actually liked me were the drama and music teachers. I was constantly getting in trouble and punished and I just couldn’t seem to “manage” this energy of mine.
Two loves were born out of my “too muchness”
These were a love for acting where I could infinitely express all the energy that was inside of me and a love for personal development. I had to learn how to grow and be resilient and I had to learn it fast. No one thought I would finish at that school. I was constantly threatened with expulsion but my growth mindset and my resilience resulted in me graduating from high school with Distinction, An A-student and in the Top 7 of my year… as well as grabbing the subject prizes for Business Studies, Drama and the Best Actress trophy, of course. What a way to close out my teenage years. The world was truly my oyster!
My 20’s were messy as hell and spent working toward my dream of acting
My 20s were filled with tons of self-doubt and self-sabotage but it was also a time held by a deep passion for working on myself and bouncing back each time. You see, despite my success in my last few years of high school, I had a bunch of beliefs about myself that were sitting in my unconscious from the years before that, “I’m unfocused, I’m undisciplined, there’s something wrong with me, I don’t work hard, I am a bad child, I can’t trust people around me.” However, the resilience and commitment to self-growth that I had fostered in my childhood stood me in good stead. I worked with many mentors and coaches to keep my head above water and had the most transformational and spiritual experiences.
BUT THEN: Enter the long dark night of the soul. Covid, like for many, was that long dark night for me. I didn’t work as an actress for over a year. I turned 30 and started applying for corporate jobs. The only things that were on my CV were Actress, Waitress, Gym Class Instructor and a Bachelor’s in Economics and Finance from 8 years before.
I felt like such a failure. What had a done with the past decade of my life?! I (supposedly) had nothing to show for it.
a new dream was born
A few years before Covid a little fire started burning in my belly. Ever since I could remember I wanted to make the world a better place. Even more than acting. I knew I was here to help the world. The little fire in my belly was that I wanted to coach people the way I had been coached. At the start of my turning 30, after that long dark night of the soul, on the brink of quitting my acting dream, I decided to pull my socks up, destroy my D.I.C and do “whatever the fuck I want”. In the year that followed, I turned down the corporate job offer, I got certified as a Quantum Life Coach, I did my yoga teacher training, I booked 5 acting jobs in the space of 2 months, 1 of which was a feature film on South Africa’s Netflix Channel and 1 TV Series on our country’s biggest national broadcaster, SABC 1. I also co-founded an NGO called Khanyisa uMzansi (Rise Up South Africa in Zulu) helping micro-businesses get restored and rebuilt after our country experienced civil unrest riots. Being the co-founder and director of an NGO was also a huge dream that came true. It’s still hard to believe.
I am now working in both my dream jobs, as an actress and a coach. I get to play and express and tackle my D.I.C in my acting career and I get to help guide the most beautiful souls to joy, excellence and self-belief in my coaching business. Life, could not be more perfect.
And to think… I almost gave up.
are you going to, too?
Or are you going to give this life, yourself and your dreams one more shot like I did?