How an adhd child, learned to make stillness her lifeline

(Struggle with meditation? Don’t even wanna try it? Viewing Meditation & Stillness in the following way, is going to change the way you look at meditation forever & for the better, OBVIOUSLY)

Here’s what I know to be true about happiness as a human being.

In order to be happy, we must allow the waves of emotions and life’s cycles to move through us. In my opinion and experience, depression and anxiety are cycle of “stuckness”… An inability to move through. Depression is more of a stagnation in that cycle, and anxiety can feel like being stuck in a washing machine of the same cycle.

So if those are the extreme experiences of the opposite of happiness, and one of the most extreme versions of suffering in this world, that even leads people to want to end their own lives... then it must be somewhat true that our ability to manage and cope, or dare I even say, PLAY with these cycles and emotions (that are a necessary and inevitable part of the human experience) are our lifeline.

But here’s the thing about living in the 21st century, particularly in 2023.

Stillness, quiet, boredom, mundaneness... has become unsafe to us.

I don’t want to call it meditation because it brings up all sorts of regal and sometimes unattainable ideas. Jeez, the way people RESIST it.

But really, all meditation is… is just sitting in stillness and quiet.

To sit still, in quiet solitude, is something that makes most people’s nervous system freak out. That is how the conditioning of the world has us in its claws. trust me, I get it. “Sit still” was like a cuss word, screamed at me for most of my formative years as I struggled with ADHD and to sit in a classroom. So the notion of “sitting still” brings up all sorts of trauma for me.

I don't like to instil fear, but there is definitely a system, a matrix if you will, that wants us distracted and addicted to being on the go, being distracted, consuming and doing - so that our minds and bodies are exhausted.

And then when we’re exhausted, we can’t even sit still in quiet and peace. We somehow think more consumption, TV, Series, Podcasts, and scrolling will calm us.

So here is what I have come to realize. As someone who could quite literally not sit still when she was younger, who has ADHD (a now favourite excuse as to why people claim to be ‘bad’ at sitting still/meditating)… My meditation and sitting in stillness has become my lifeline. It is my practice of being with the human cycles of life.

What I have learned is that as I sit still and go through ALL the feelings and experiences that come of it, I master (somewhat) allowing for these emotional cycles to move through me.

I have become familiar with the panic of not being able to move or “do” anything for 20 - 40 mins. And trust me, this was a huge panic for me. I have practiced being with the panic and letting it move through me, like the rest of life’s suffering.

The extreme discomfort of my mind rushing a million thoughts. The disappointment as to how unquiet my mind is. The pain of my body as I sit in the position, upright with my legs crossed. I still with all of it and allow it to move through me, as all of life’s suffering does.

I don’t run from it, I don’t change it. I just allow it to be there with me until it inevitable moves along and changes.

As of late, all of this has prepared me on a deep level for the cycles of emotions that we need to become so familiar and fearless about in this very human life.

It’s not all doom and gloom. I do get to experience pockets of peace. And when I say pockets, I mean like 30 seconds - 2 mins.

I get to experience pockets of my energy grounding. I get to experience immense strength in my sitting posture, upright, and sometimes I can feel this cord of energy pulsing through me from the earth’s core… all the way through my spine and into the heavens. Albeit few, I do have these experiences.

In stillness, I learn to practice sitting with the ups and downs, ups and downs, ups and downs. I get to practice not having expectations of what could happen when I sit in stillness. Of letting go of the moments to come. And the moments that just passed.

It really is a superpower. And I find it insane and ironic that I would become this person at 32 years of age. Considering, 25 years ago, no one would take me to see a movie because I couldn’t sit through it.

The last thing that happens when I sit in stillness is I offer my mind and my body as a gift to the world. You see, we are all one consciousness, one love, one mind. And so when I sit in stillness, because I occupy a piece of the greater one-mind, when I practice meditating, I am practicing accessing peace and stillness for you and all sentient beings on the planet (proper Buddhist and Bodhisattva vibes - if you know, you know, haha).

I didn't learn that until I went and lived in a Zen Monastery. Everyone kept thanking me for “my practice,” and I was like, “Why on earth do they keep saying that?” and then I learned… Oh! Wow, We are all doing this to make the world a better place.

When I sit in stillness and improve my ability to be fluid and flowy with the cycles of life, I can be a part of the solution in this world. I had to face the truth that we are light, love, and peace at our core. And as I awaken my ability to shine this light, it allows others to shine theirs too…

So, that’s that. I hope I have managed to inspire you to sit. To sit in stillness. To offer quiet space for your mind. I can tell you, no matter how busy you think your mind is, it is craving the space and quietness around it. I hope you give it some of that as nourishment. And I hope I have given you a new way to look at what the meditating process can be.

I love you.

Stay Golden,

Ash

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