How an adhd child, learned to make stillness her lifeline

(Struggle with meditation? Don’t even wanna try it? Viewing Meditation & Stillness in the following way, is going to change the way you look at meditation forever & for the better, OBVIOUSLY)

Here’s what I know to be true about happiness as a human being.

In order to be happy, we must allow the waves of emotions and life’s cycles to move through us. In my opinion and experience, depression and anxiety are cycle of “stuckness”… An inability to move through. Depression is more of a stagnation in that cycle, and anxiety can feel like being stuck in a washing machine of the same cycle.

So if those are the extreme experiences of the opposite of happiness, and one of the most extreme versions of suffering in this world, that even leads people to want to end their own lives... then it must be somewhat true that our ability to manage and cope, or dare I even say, PLAY with these cycles and emotions (that are a necessary and inevitable part of the human experience) are our lifeline.

But here’s the thing about living in the 21st century, particularly in 2023.

Stillness, quiet, boredom, mundaneness... has become unsafe to us.

I don’t want to call it meditation because it brings up all sorts of regal and sometimes unattainable ideas. Jeez, the way people RESIST it.

But really, all meditation is… is just sitting in stillness and quiet.

To sit still, in quiet solitude, is something that makes most people’s nervous system freak out. That is how the conditioning of the world has us in its claws. trust me, I get it. “Sit still” was like a cuss word, screamed at me for most of my formative years as I struggled with ADHD and to sit in a classroom. So the notion of “sitting still” brings up all sorts of trauma for me.

I don't like to instil fear, but there is definitely a system, a matrix if you will, that wants us distracted and addicted to being on the go, being distracted, consuming and doing - so that our minds and bodies are exhausted.

And then when we’re exhausted, we can’t even sit still in quiet and peace. We somehow think more consumption, TV, Series, Podcasts, and scrolling will calm us.

So here is what I have come to realize. As someone who could quite literally not sit still when she was younger, who has ADHD (a now favourite excuse as to why people claim to be ‘bad’ at sitting still/meditating)… My meditation and sitting in stillness has become my lifeline. It is my practice of being with the human cycles of life.

What I have learned is that as I sit still and go through ALL the feelings and experiences that come of it, I master (somewhat) allowing for these emotional cycles to move through me.

I have become familiar with the panic of not being able to move or “do” anything for 20 - 40 mins. And trust me, this was a huge panic for me. I have practiced being with the panic and letting it move through me, like the rest of life’s suffering.

The extreme discomfort of my mind rushing a million thoughts. The disappointment as to how unquiet my mind is. The pain of my body as I sit in the position, upright with my legs crossed. I still with all of it and allow it to move through me, as all of life’s suffering does.

I don’t run from it, I don’t change it. I just allow it to be there with me until it inevitable moves along and changes.

As of late, all of this has prepared me on a deep level for the cycles of emotions that we need to become so familiar and fearless about in this very human life.

It’s not all doom and gloom. I do get to experience pockets of peace. And when I say pockets, I mean like 30 seconds - 2 mins.

I get to experience pockets of my energy grounding. I get to experience immense strength in my sitting posture, upright, and sometimes I can feel this cord of energy pulsing through me from the earth’s core… all the way through my spine and into the heavens. Albeit few, I do have these experiences.

In stillness, I learn to practice sitting with the ups and downs, ups and downs, ups and downs. I get to practice not having expectations of what could happen when I sit in stillness. Of letting go of the moments to come. And the moments that just passed.

It really is a superpower. And I find it insane and ironic that I would become this person at 32 years of age. Considering, 25 years ago, no one would take me to see a movie because I couldn’t sit through it.

The last thing that happens when I sit in stillness is I offer my mind and my body as a gift to the world. You see, we are all one consciousness, one love, one mind. And so when I sit in stillness, because I occupy a piece of the greater one-mind, when I practice meditating, I am practicing accessing peace and stillness for you and all sentient beings on the planet (proper Buddhist and Bodhisattva vibes - if you know, you know, haha).

I didn't learn that until I went and lived in a Zen Monastery. Everyone kept thanking me for “my practice,” and I was like, “Why on earth do they keep saying that?” and then I learned… Oh! Wow, We are all doing this to make the world a better place.

When I sit in stillness and improve my ability to be fluid and flowy with the cycles of life, I can be a part of the solution in this world. I had to face the truth that we are light, love, and peace at our core. And as I awaken my ability to shine this light, it allows others to shine theirs too…

So, that’s that. I hope I have managed to inspire you to sit. To sit in stillness. To offer quiet space for your mind. I can tell you, no matter how busy you think your mind is, it is craving the space and quietness around it. I hope you give it some of that as nourishment. And I hope I have given you a new way to look at what the meditating process can be.

I love you.

Stay Golden,

Ash

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What type of imposter syndrome do you have? (quiz)

Hello beautiful!

Welcome and well-done for making it to this page. I like people like you. You take action and I am so happy to meet you halfway by creating the following quiz for you.

Once you know what your dominant imposter sybndrome type is, it makes calling it out and overcoming it just SOOOO much easier. Because you deserve peace, joy & flow on your way to success. The whole point of success is that it feels good, right? Why ruin it with the overwhelm, anxiety and buyrnout that comes with imposter syndrome.

Your life is meant to be ENJOYED and lived to the full and self-doubt is just a big damn f**k up in the way of you doing just that.

So lets get started: Grab a piece of paper or notes on your phone. You’re just going to jot down the letter you choose for each questions and then tally them up for yourself at the end.

DONT SKIP AHEAD and read the type. You’re going to ruin this for yourself. Just don’t be THAT person. Haha. You’re going to get the most from this is you just take it question by question.

P.s. If you wanna really kick your imposter syndrome in the a$$ then I highly recommend you download my free workbook “Self-Doubt to Success in 72hrs” here

1. How do you react when you don't meet your own high standards or make a mistake?

a) I feel inadequate and like a fraud, focusing on even the smallest flaws or errors.

 b) I become anxious and worried that I will be exposed as incapable of handling my responsibilities. 

c) I feel like a fraud because I believe that tasks should come effortlessly to me. 

d) I hesitate to ask for help or collaborate because I fear revealing my supposed incompetence. 

e) I doubt my knowledge and skills, believing that I need to know everything before considering myself competent.

• 2. What drives your need for achievement and recognition?

a) I set extremely high standards for myself and constantly strive for perfection.

 b) I feel pressure to excel in all aspects of my life and often fear being exposed as incapable. 

c) I often feel as thoiugh that my worth and abilities are solely based on how intelligent I am or my talent. 

d) I feel the need to accomplish tasks on my own, fearing that accepting help will expose my incompetence.

 e) I hesitate to share my expertise or take on opportunities because I feel I don't know enough.

• 3. How do you view your own capabilities and accomplishments?

a) I constantly doubt my abilities and feel fraudulent despite evidence of my competence.

 b) I fear that I'm not capable enough to handle my responsibilities, even if I am highly skilled. 

c) I believe my worth and competence are solely based on my innate intelligence or talent. 

d) I doubt my abilities to the point where I struggle to ask for help or collaborate with others. 

e) I believe I must know everything before considering myself knowledgeable or competent.

• 4. How do you perceive asking for help or collaborating with others?

a) I struggle to ask for help and tend to take on tasks on my own to maintain control. b) I fear that accepting help will reveal my supposed incompetence, so I avoid it.

 c) I prefer to work independently and believe that collaborating will diminish my accomplishments.

 d) I hesitate to ask for help or collaborate, fearing it will expose my lack of knowledge or skills.

 e) I'm reluctant to share my expertise or take on opportunities because I believe I don't know enough.

• 5. How do you feel about sharing your knowledge or expertise with others?

a) I'm hesitant to share my knowledge or expertise, as I doubt myself and believe I don't know enough. 

b) I downplay my knowledge and expertise, feeling like a fraud despite being highly skilled. 

c) I'm reluctant to share my expertise because I fear it won't meet others' expectations. 

d) I'm hesitant to share my knowledge or expertise, fearing it will expose my supposed incompetence. 

e) I'm reluctant to share my expertise or take on opportunities because I believe I don't know enough.

• 6. How do you handle praise or recognition for your achievements?

a) I struggle to accept praise and often attribute my success to luck or external factors. 

b) I appreciate the recognition but have difficulty internalizing it, feeling like a fraud. 

c) I feel uncomfortable when praised and downplay my accomplishments. 

d) I feel undeserving of praise and worry that others will discover my supposed incompetence. 

e) I appreciate the recognition and feel deserving of the praise.

• 7. How do you perceive failure or setbacks in your life?

a) I take failures or setbacks as confirmation of my incompetence and feel like a complete fraud. 

b) I become overwhelmed with self-doubt and question my abilities when faced with failure. 

c) I view failures or setbacks as proof that I lack the innate intelligence or talent I should possess.

 d) I internalize failures and see them as a reflection of my incompetence or lack of knowledge. 

e) I see failures or setbacks as opportunities for growth and learning, without feeling like a fraud.

• 8. How do you compare yourself to others?

a) I constantly compare myself to others and feel inadequate or like a fraud when they seem more successful. 

b) I compare myself to others but recognize that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. 

c) I compare myself to others and feel inferior when they appear more naturally talented or knowledgeable. 

d) I avoid comparing myself to others as it may reveal my supposed incompetence or lack of knowledge. 

e) I compare myself to others but believe in my own capabilities and feel secure in my own path.

• 9. How do you handle new challenges or unfamiliar situations?

a) I often doubt my abilities and feel like an impostor when faced with new challenges. 

b) I become anxious and worry that I won't be able to meet the expectations or demands. 

c) I expect to excel effortlessly and feel like a fraud when I encounter difficulties. 

d) I avoid new challenges or situations as they may expose my supposed incompetence or lack of knowledge. 

e) I embrace new challenges, view them as opportunities for growth, and trust in my abilities.

Mostly A's: You may be experiencing Perfectionist Impostor Syndrome. You set extremely high standards for yourself, focus on flaws or mistakes, and feel inadequate or fraudulent when you don't meet those impossibly high expectations.People with this type of impostor syndrome set extremely high standards for themselves and feel inadequate or fraudulent when they don't meet those impossibly high expectations. They are often excessively critical of their own work and tend to focus on minor mistakes or flaws. Perfectionist impostors constantly doubt their abilities and fear being exposed as frauds, even in the face of evidence of their competence. They struggle with accepting praise or recognition, attributing their success to luck or external factors. The fear of making mistakes or falling short of their own perfectionistic ideals can lead to significant stress and anxiety. Grab my workbook here to start working through this and creating more success in your life.

Mostly B's: You may resonate most with the Superhero Impostor. You feel the need to excel in every aspect of your life, take on numerous responsibilities, and fear being exposed as incapable of handling your workload. Individuals with this type of impostor syndrome feel the need to excel in every aspect of their lives. They take on numerous responsibilities, juggle multiple roles, and believe that they must be exceptional in every area. Superhero impostors fear being exposed as incapable of handling their workload and constantly worry about meeting high expectations. They may struggle with asking for help or delegating tasks, fearing that it will reveal their perceived incompetence. The pressure to maintain a superhuman image and the fear of being overwhelmed can lead to burnout and a persistent feeling of being an impostor. Grab my workbook here to start working through this and creating more success in your life.

Mostly C's: You’re dealing with the Natural Genius Impostor Syndrome. You believe your worth and abilities are solely based on your innate intelligence or talent, and you feel like a fraud when faced with challenges or effort. People who experience this type of impostor syndrome believe that their worth and abilities are solely based on their innate intelligence or talent. They expect tasks to come effortlessly to them, and when they encounter challenges or have to put in effort to succeed, they feel like frauds who have deceived others into believing they are competent. Natural genius impostors fear being exposed as not as smart or talented as others perceive them to be. They may avoid challenges or situations where they might struggle, as it threatens their self-image as naturally gifted. This mindset can limit their growth and development and lead to feelings of inadequacy when faced with difficulties. Grab my workbook here to start working through this and creating more success in your life.

Mostly D's: You may be experiencing the Soloist Impostor Syndrome. You struggle to ask for help or collaborate with others because you fear revealing your supposed incompetence or lack of knowledge.This type of impostor syndrome manifests in individuals who believe they must accomplish tasks on their own. They struggle to ask for help or collaborate with others because they fear that accepting assistance will reveal their supposed incompetence or lack of knowledge. Soloist impostors often feel the need to maintain control over their work and are hesitant to delegate tasks or rely on others. They may isolate themselves and avoid seeking support, leading to increased stress and a sense of being overwhelmed by their responsibilities. The fear of being exposed as unable to handle tasks independently can hinder their professional and personal growth. Grab my workbook here to start working through this and creating more success in your life.

Mostly E's: You may resonate with the Expert Impostor Syndrome. You doubt your knowledge and skills, believing you need to know everything before considering yourself knowledgeable or competent. Individuals with expert impostor syndrome feel the need to know everything before considering themselves knowledgeable or competent. They are reluctant to share their expertise or take on opportunities because they believe they don't know enough, even if they are highly skilled and experienced. Expert impostors constantly doubt their knowledge and skills, feeling like frauds who are perpetually missing critical information. They may hesitate to contribute to discussions or projects, fearing that others will discover their perceived gaps in knowledge. This self-imposed pressure to be an all-knowing expert can limit their ability to share their valuable insights and expertise. Grab my workbook here to start working through this and creating more success in your life.

Remember that these descriptions are meant to provide general insights, and experiencing one or multiple types of impostor syndrome can vary in intensity and impact from person to person. If you resonate with any of these descriptions and feel it significantly affects your well-being or professional growth, consider seeking support from a mental health professional who can provide guidance and help you navigate these feelings. I would be happy to support you as this is what I specialize in and quite frankly, its my jam. Book a 30minute intro call here to see if we’re a good fit for working together.

4 steps I took to skyrocket my success in 6 weeks by overcoming imposter syndrome & self-doubt

Back in 2021, I hit a crossroads in life.

I was exhausted, burnt out, and hadn't worked in a year due to the pandemic. I was at the end of my savings and feeling totally lost in my career as an actress.

My DIC (deepest inner critic) was running rampant in my head, causing all sorts of chaos in my life. Real talk: it was more than holding me back. At its peak, it was dragging me into what felt like hell.

All of this happened on the brink of turning 30. I was going through my long dark night of the soul.

I was struggling with mild depression. I was experiencing anxiety for the first time in my life. I was broke from having zero work during the first year of COVID, and I was making it all mean that I had failed at my life's dream. Where the heck was the Oscar I dreamt of as a little girl?

But there was some little fire inside me that was still flickering, and I just woke up one day and thought, "Forget it, I am going to give this one last shot," and took these four steps I share here to absolutely turn myself, my life, and my career around.

• Step 1: Neutralize

I reset my entire nervous system to neutral (from freaking out) by practicing acceptance for where I was in life and putting in the work to find peace and joy in the life I currently had. I dug deep into the spiritual practice I had learned over the previous ten years.

• Step 2: Alchemize

I signed up for a mindset and manifestation course for actors that helped me address all the subconscious conditioning I had from growing up, which was fueling my DIC. I rewired it at a deep subconscious level. I didn't even know half the issues that were sitting there, holding me back, running in the background. No wonder I was so doubtful, an imposter mess, and my DIC was so loud!

• Step 3: Align

I became clear on my mission in life and the vision I had for the future. So darn clear that I discovered I wanted to be a coach, and that my calling of helping people and making the world a better place was just as important as my acting career. For the first time in my life, I set goals for my success using the most effective goal-setting process I have ever come across. I knew exactly where I was going, how I was going to get there, and BELIEVED I actually could.

• Step 4: Ascend

With all that inner work done and knowing exactly what my north star was in terms of mission, vision, and goals, I started showing up as a completely different person. Not only were auditions popping up out of nowhere (manifestation, baby!) that were so aligned for me (bear in mind I hadn't had a single audition in over a year), I finally had the confidence to NAIL THEM. And so I booked all the work that was being presented to me, which led me to the busiest and most successful year of my acting career. I was on SA's Netflix and our biggest broadcasting network, working with a director who had just won a SAFTA (our Oscars). When I got on set with these people, I was so confident and prepared, and I felt like I finally belonged. The transformation was wild.

All this happened in the space of six weeks. No joke.

As if it all couldn't get any better, I also co-founded an NGO in South Africa as a result of this work, got certified as a coach, and started this business, leading me to be sitting in your email inbox now.

This process is truly magical, and I've helped many women use this exact process to find success in their lives.

1. Neutralize

2. Alchemize

3. Align

4. Ascend

I helped a cardiovascular scientist land a PhD in her field. I helped an anthology PHD academic land a book review, abstract, and manifest paid maternity leave. I helped a coach build a waitlist of clients without even starting an Instagram page or website. I helped a model go from zero jobs in months to multiple jobs in a couple of weeks. I helped a content creator land social media campaigns without even reaching out to brands; for the first time, they just came to her.

You get it, right? This process works for ANYONE wanting the success they deserve in life.

And you can do it too!

Get started by downloading my Self-doubt to Success in 72hrs Workbook Here - AND ACTUALLY DO IT! 

Stay Golden,

Ash

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